Nigella was bad enough. It took me a long time to stop hating her stupid, vacant face and to accept my mum’s explanation that she’s calculatedly hamming it up to give (idiot) men what they want. Now my sister has started using her cookbook I can confirm that her food is truly delicious (as anything with mountains of sugar and butter in it tends to be). What’s more we can be fairly sure that she’s not actually a halfwit as she has a degree from Oxford and you have to be awfully clever to go there. I know. I didn’t get in.
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Well watch out Nige, cos there are some new kids on the block. And they have got your looking-sappily-at-the-saucepan-whilst-stirring move down to a T as the photo below demonstrates.
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Anjum Anand (above) is essentially “Indian Nige”. Indian Nige has a cookery column – just like Real Nige once did – and the Times refer to her as a Domestic Goddess – again, just like Real Nige. She – like (you guessed it) Real Nige – presented a show on BBC 2: Indian Food Made Easy. Unlike Real Nige, Indian Nige cooks curries instead of traditional English fare. Men like curries. Perhaps Real Nige is missing a trick.
Perhaps the most irritating Nige (in a hard fought contest) is Rachel Allen (below). Or “Blonde Nige”. Blonde Nige presents Rachel’s Favourite Food for Living on Saturday mornings on BBC 1. She is Irish and according to her biography (which I can only assume is self-penned) “her charming manner and effortless style make her a delight to watch.” Well.
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While Blonde Nige and Indian Nige go in for all the vacant smiling that Real Nige pioneered, they seem to have forgotten the personality bit. They have none of Real Nige’s cheekiness that keeps those silly old men glued to the TV.
10 responses so far ↓
Kerry-Anne Young // January 10, 2008 at 10:31 am |
Podgy wimen rock! (of course I have to say that because my new years resolution is to become podgy instead of… well….)
Nigella Lawson is on TV because she is mans kitchen dream. She has lots of people who make her that for the camera (especially the poor soul who blurs/edits out her ghetto booty). To me, she is an annoying and vacuous attention seeking prawnstar.
The butter loving jezebel makes my blood boil for many reasons. Number one being that anyone who drones on about how having chub is ‘normal’ and is nothing to be ashamed of should NOT blur/exclude wobbly bits from their viewing audience. I do it with my facebook photos, I know the game.
Put your ever-groaning-over-a-chocolate-bowl-tits away and get your butt out Nigella, then I will have respect for you. Stop trying to tell sell the notion that by acting like a hussy the world loves skinny less! End of.
P.s. Love your work Lynnels! xx
Jem Easom // January 10, 2008 at 11:12 am |
“What’s more we can be fairly sure that she’s not actually a halfwit as she has a degree from Oxford and you have to be awfully clever to go there. ”
Depressingly untrue. You have to go to the right school, by which I actually mean the right public school. The Sutton Trust Report (20/09/07) on University Admissions (I’ve set it as my website should you have curious reading habits) dumps this handy statement into its Foreword:
“a young person’s chance of reaching one of these highly selective universities – and particularly Oxbridge – is an order of magnitude higher for those who attend one of a handful of the country’s elite fee-paying schools.”
Although the ‘Key findings’ on page 6 about Oxbridge admissions is worth gasping at a bit to give a range of figures to back this ambiguous generalisation up. Indeed, a combination of Wikipedia and that same report would indicate that Nigella’s path from Westminster School to Oxford was the easiest way in – 31.4% Westminster graduates have gone on to Oxbridge in the last 5 years.
As usual, I digress and miss the point rather wildly.
To be honest though, I’d have thought it was a good thing that someone who clearly missed size 0 (that’s a zero, blame Lynn’s font choice) by a good distance is touted as a bit of a sex symbol – although the contradiction of then blurring bits of her out isn’t one I’ve encountered having never watched the pearl-toothed smarm beast from, err… Greater London somewhere.
But are female TV chefs really any worse than male ones? Jamie Oliver’s career only really took off because he was a scruffy scamp who middle aged women sort of fancied until his “man of the people” styling helped him rise further. Ramsay basically swears a lot; Fearnley-Whittingstall is rather limp and dithering (upper-middle class farming gentleman type) and the Ready Steady Cook stable are all largely interchangeable as loosely good-looking early-middle aged chaps who keep up with Ainsley Harriott’s appalling jokes.
Sadly I can see why Ramsay’s gruff, tyranical, foul-mouthed stylings have made him such a hit in a sea of mediocrity. And good friends with that paragon of good-natured egalitarianism: Chris Moyles.
P.S. Nice bit of writing though – and Jones will happily tell you that I will always choose playing devil’s advocate over simpering praise of almost any statement of opinion.
Kateamelia // January 10, 2008 at 11:33 am |
That Rachel woman is an utter goon. Clearly hoping to ape Nigella, she dumps enough butter and cream into her recipes to give the average viewer a heart attack just from watching whilst she twitters on about how delicious the dish will be (should a soup’s primary ingredients be butter and cream? I think not).
She also, horror of horrors, has been known to rock a scrunchie on TV. Good lord woman! Are you an 8 year old girl with a penchant for ponies? I’m all for food hygeine, but surely a crewcut is preferable?
Cat // January 10, 2008 at 11:51 am |
I’ll admit it, I quite like watching Nigella – not because I have any intention of making my own Eton mess, but just so I can have a good giggle with my Mum and female flatmates about her brand of absurd gastroporn.
There was a particularly good sketch on Dead Ringers a couple of years ago, featuring a padded Jan Ravens as dear old Nige. “Now for this recipe you need two phoenix eggs, but if you can’t get hold of phoenix then you can use dodo…”
I don’t think I’ll bother with Anjum or Rachel though. Seems like overegging the pudding.
John TC innit // January 10, 2008 at 12:37 pm |
Lynnals, I love your writing! Men much prefer a good curry! Question is though, where will it end? Will Real Nige have to cut her tops lower and get a bit more suggestive when washing her carrots? It could all end up in nude cooking and we can be sure of one thing – no-one will cook anything in a frying pan again!!!! xxx
Kerry-Anne Young // January 10, 2008 at 12:38 pm |
a SCRUNCHIE????
HA!!
Perros // January 10, 2008 at 12:50 pm |
I watched a couple of those Rachel Allen programs and have seen her book and I’m not pretty sure of one thing: she really isn’t a decent cook. And she kind of stumbles through her recipes on TV like a drunk making cheesy beans after a heavy night out.
At least Nige is a good cook.
-Perros-
Jessop // January 10, 2008 at 1:46 pm |
In the words of a very wise woman who is not to be messed with (my Mum), “Nigella needs a good slap”
Ailsa Roberts // January 11, 2008 at 8:38 pm |
Hey Lynn,
Thanks for the little cookery compliment there although you belittled it sooner than I could squeal ‘mouse!’. Just so you know, there wasn’t any butter OR sugar in that chicken I so lovingly made for you and Tom.
Also, these other birds don’t have a patch on real nNige. If you read the cheeky wee comments she does at the beginning of each chapter in Nigella Express you’ll see why.
Richie Ryan // January 14, 2008 at 7:57 pm |
Whhhoooooooooa! Rachel is a complete TV angel – she’s witty and clever and has that Cork craic, and she is easy to look at too (yeah, I’m a simple bloke taken in by fab’ looks and a great blouse). And Nigella has 10 million quid in the bank which has to be good. What do you think about bloke chefs? Is Gordon a nob end, is Anthony WT stuck in the sexist 70s?